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جوک های انگلیسی (ENGLISH JOKES)

Funny-english-jokes

A man is dying. He is very thirsty. He finds a well in the desert.
He screams, “Water! Water!”
And the well echoes back, “Where? Where?”

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An old man goes to the doctor. He complains that his wife can’t hear.
“You need to test your wife. Stand far behind her and ask her a question. Then, start going closer to her. You will see how close you’ll get when she hears you.”
The old man is happy that he can help his wife. He runs home. He sees that his wife is making dinner.
“Honey!” the man says standing 20 feet away.
“What are we having for dinner?” he asks.
The wife doesn’t reply. The man tries again. He stands 15 feet away, but there is no answer.  He stands 10 feet away and asks again. No answer.
Finally, he is 5 feet away, “Honey, what are we having for dinner?”
“I’ve told you four times! Lasagne!”

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“Doctor, my husband is talking in his sleep! All night! What can I do?”
“Let him speak during the day!”

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“I have so much work to do. It’s terrible! I’m working twenty-five hours a day!”
“You are not! There are only 24 hours in one day!”
“That’s right. I have to get up an hour earlier.”

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The leader of the vegetarian society couldn’t help himself anymore. He needed to try some pork. He really wanted to know what it tastes like. And so, on a summer’s day, he told his members that he was going on a vacation. He went out of town, and visited the nearest restaurant.
He ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited to try it. After a few minutes, he heard someone call his name. He saw that one of his colleagues was walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter came with a roasted pig, and it had an apple in its mouth.
“Well, isn’t this just terrible!?” says the leader after a moment, “All I did was order an apple, and look what the apple comes with!”

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An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “I have your test results. I have bad news for you. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer’s.”
The old man says, “It is not so bad. I don’t have cancer!”

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A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. When they were close to a town called Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
After a while of arguing, they decided to go to a local restaurant and have lunch. The husband could not wait to know the correct pronunciation, so he asked the blond waitress at the cash desk.
“Before we order, could you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”
“Burrrr-gerrrr Kiiing.”

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Ten Things I know about You – Level 2

1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You have just tried it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face, and you have just skipped number 5.
8) You have just checked if there is number 5.
9) You are laughing at this because you love having fun.
10) You are probably going to send this to your friends.

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A man in a pub tells his friends:
“Before the wedding, I spoke and she listened. After the wedding, she spoke and I listened. Now, we both speak and the neighbours listen.”

 

منیع: .jokesinlevels.com

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